Updated: Feb 4
One thing I DON'T ever say or claim is that I am an epitome of all things health, in fact, quite the contrary. I use a lot of my own experiences to advocate to people of what NOT to do to their body and brains because I have been so cruel to mine for over half of my life, and now as I am getting older, the illusion of me being "invincible" and having "the freedom of not giving a damn" is fading quick, and all I can say is thank goodness, simply because that passive, ignorant mentality is literally sending me to an early grave with a fucking smile on my face...oh hell no!!!
The reality of this realization has caused me to take my head out of my ass and take a long hard look at myself and to give some introspective tough love to GET BACK ON TRACK and to stop procrastinating on things that will prolong my life, stop giving up and stop pacifying serious issues because it "hurts my feelings"; fuck that jazz, I want to live and be a proper example for my daughter in hopes of preventing many of the physical and mental problems I faced at her age. I have a lot to live for even though some days it doesn't feel that way.
One thing I have been doing over the last 4 years is identifying my on again, off again, health demons (excess weight and cigarettes) and then trying different healthy (keyword!) ways of overcoming them so that I don't suddenly drop dead out of the blue due to my own ignorance and denial. For the last couple months I had noticed the apathy towards my physical health was growing stronger and therefore naturally my body was getting weaker.
I was falling victim to the bullshit mentality that I am "just fine the way I am" and how I "love me for me" and got real about the potential deadly consequences due to that apathetic passiveness and my sufferance mentality. I can't settle for sick. Not now, not ever.
So what sparked my fire to get angry about my own health apathy? Today, I came across 2 autopsy cases that just shook me to my core. Both were of women, both were under 45 years old, and both dropped dead suddenly from pure health-related apathy. Not because they had a pessimistic mentality towards life, but that they CHOSE to ignore obvious health related challenges for one reason or another...they simply "didnt give a damn" and that mentality killed them. So, allow me to share their stories in hopes it might shake some sense into someone else as it did to me tonight.
Case #1 -- 44 year old woman who appeared (externally) to be of ideal health. She wasn't overweight or anything and had no other external factors as to why she just simply died suddenly. That was until the medical examiner opened her heart during her autopsy. It didn't take more than moments for him to identify what caused her death; a closed valve, triggering a deadly heart attack, and it all happened because she smoked cigarettes daily and didn't get herself checked regularly.
She had heart disease and since she had absolutely ZERO symptoms or any known family history, she believed she had "no worries" about her smoking habit, and that bullshit mentality is what killed her. She left a husband a widow and a child motherless due to health apathy.
Case #2 -- 43 year old woman who was significantly overweight (she weighed right at 300 lbs) and had to undergo surgery for a damaged hernia. She goes through the surgery but because of the excessive weight around her midsection, her body was unable to heal from the surgery properly and it caused her incision to bust and part of her intestines to rupture, flooding her system with toxins, killing her. Her chronic excess weight was the catalyst that lead directly to her dying right in front of her husband. Her health apathy made him a widow.
It is good not to obsess over the opinions of others, but it can be deadly to pacify obvious warning signs. Others telling you what you already know will not help, YOU HAVE TO HONEST WITH YOU. Be kind, but be honest. Make an action plan to help reverse physical damage that has accumulated over time as much as you physically can. Take small steps that will lead to long term rewards more time on this earth with your loved ones.
The stories of these women broke my heart and equally sent a fear-shock through me. I know if I continue to let MY OWN health apathy and procrastination to continue, it will be MY DAUGHTER who grows up without a mother, and only God knows what type of mental problems that will cause her...all because I allowed myself to not give a damn.
Apathy kills. Plain and simple. Don't fall victim to it by exchanging your vitality for your vanity.