Updated: Feb 4, 2021
I thought my luck was turning for once. I thought God was going to give me a new chance at having someone that gave me reason to wake up smiling each day....and for a little bit....I finally did after many years on my own, but as life would happen....I lost that person and the void has left me just above devastated...my heart is broken yet again, and I am now challenged by life, yet again, to see if I have the strength to put my pieces back together. All I can think of is.....God give me strength!
I have been crying nearly uncontrollably for the last 9 hours and I will continue to do so over the next coming days and even weeks...Im grieving of the loss of a loved one. I lost a light, and that would be devastating for anyone to endure, not just myself.
For me pain and loss is a crossroads.
It's not about what necessarily happens to you, but what you do with it that matters most. This is one bullshit belief I feel fortunate to have. Through the tears I am constantly reminding myself of what happened the last time I was THIS emotionally ravaged....I created Polykinetics and flipped my world upside down in 21 days. I feel this time around, I could possibly break my own record.
As painful as it may be...I am going to openly document the next several weeks as randomly as I see fit in order to help my grieving process. To not only candidly show the world how intensely I experience life, but how to overcome this type of devastating pain. I never preach that it is easy and I expect to make a complete fool out of myself constantly, but again, I feel it is an important point in time to share with those who may need a reminder themselves that there is a for sure way of escaping emotional pain and actually benefiting from it in the long run....it's time to practice what I continue to preach and now....everyone will be able to follow me through this process.
Fair warning though...it's going to be upsetting and painful....the sadness turns to anger...the anger into motivation and the motivation back to sadness until I start feeling the pain in my body rather than in my heart.