Since starting this journey, I knew almost immediately that at some point down the road, I would have to post and share videos demonstrating the Polykinetics method. I also knew how much of a problem that realization would be for someone like me. I was far from over joyed at the thought of opening myself up to potential harm that could jeopardize my MDD recovery progress. Therefore, I would ponder for hours, days, then onto weeks to months about how to get the damn Youtube videos made without having to use myself in front of the camera. After all, I'm an instructor, not a model. --Not everyone leaps at the idea of being in the limelight as hard as that is for some people to believe.....yes, we DO exist. Camera's are serious anxiety attack triggers for me. The one time I went on T.V., I had so many panic attacks it took them an extra 30 mins to shoot the episode.
No joke, I have cried, yelled, had arguments with friends, and wrecked havoc all because I couldn't find a solution. I tried hiring total strangers, asking co-workers, friends, acquaintances.....and for a long time, with zero success......until just recently.
Finally, I have come across someone with what I had been looking for, and the best part, she has agreed to let me shoot her demonstrating Polykinetics sequences as long as I agree to buy her the clothes she picks out for them. Of course, that was a no-brainer for me, and I can't say how incredibly excited I have been since. AHHHH!!!!
A new wave of motivation is moving in! I'm open armed and optimistic for what is soon to come because in all honesty, I don't know how much longer I will survive in my current situation. Each day is getting riskier and harder than the last. Hence, my constant feeling of impatience, but I know I must have faith and certainty of the near future. Luckily, I know exactly what I need to live a happy and peaceful life, and now, I finally get to move closer to those goals.
One massive step closer.......