Broken Part 1….

The moment I knew that I had to gain control over, not only my mind, but my body as well, was this past January when my husband and I decided to separate after nearly 5 years of marraige. This was a massive blow to my world.

Within days I was facing some extreme realities, I was eventually going to lose everything I had worked so hard for: the house, car, possessions, my clothing company, and a family life that I had spent countless sleepless days and nights building for the last 5 years…..I knew that everything would slowly, but surely come to an end. I was unfotunately correct.

In the midst of my chaotic mind with its non-stop negativity, I managed to take a long hard look at myself and what I was dealing with physically, emotionally and mentally…….all in all, it wasn’t good. I saw a young woman who was completely broken on all levels of life. This left me in a state of anger and fear. I was looking at being a very unattractive, overweight single mom that could barly walk up a single flight of stairs without having to pause mid-way. How in the hell was I supposed to physically be able to provide for my daughter and be a living example of a healthy human being….when I can’t even breathe properly. The broken life cycle continued…..

I was broken mentally because the separation made me feel that I had failed as a wife and had lost the fantasy of a perfect married life. This caused me the most mental and emotional distress….non-stop feelings of guilt and doubt flooded every thought. I was broken emotionally due to a lack of support I was receiving from my family members. They were very upset at me that I would “walk-away” from a life that THEY found ideal even though, I knew it was in the best interest of myself, our daughter and my exhusband to end our marriage…..and I was broken most critically, physically.

My high-risk pregnancy left me with severed lower abdominal muscles due to an emergency c-section birth, which brought on cronic body pain from my shoulders, back, hips, knees and ankles due to the 100lbs I had gained throughout my pregnancy (gestational diabetes), and horrible difficulties just being able to breathe due to the mass of excess fat surrounding my chest and neck. Even sitting in a chair was physically uncomfortable for me to do….SITTING! Which made popping in a typical and complex exercise DVD damn near impossible and even dangerous for me to do. I WAS AT MY WITS END, but as I looked at my daughter, I knew I no longer had the convenience of just giving up and accepting what my life had become. I knew that in order to turn my situation around, I had to find the way to mend my broken life. This reality was what lead me to begin designing what is now known as The S.E.L.F Method and the basic principles of Polykinetics….

…..To be continued

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