I have cried in a half dozen different places throughout today because of the unruliness of nicotine withdraw. Now, many will argue that there's worse things out there, and I would agree, of course, however this little asshole is my hell on earth simply because it dictates a lot of my time, energy, money, etc....and of course it's slooooowly killing me.
For a long time, as I would smoke, I would debate on whether I was in a way intentionally not quitting in an attempt to use cigarettes as a way of speeding up the process on a life I've had difficulty living in for as long as I can recall. Luckily, that's as far as the thought would go before I would simply dismiss it, and yet ironically, would continue smoking the cigarettes and the let my mind go off in a completely different direction. Naturally.
Today I took a "public"...declaration and confessed to my Facebook Fam and friends that I've come to a part in my journey where there is absolutely no way at all I can financially support a habit like this anymore, and how I knew deep inside this day would eventually come, yet I just let myself continue living "in the now" until the now I was dreading finally arrived.
I'm writing this as I'm hearing the fireworks going off, and I thought... today, of all days, would be a fun day to hit my rock bottom hell so at least if I win this war, I'll have the privilege of having fireworks every year on the anniversary of my victory.
Cheers and Happy 4th of July.